amathophilia:

"how do you feel about your future after high school"

daughter: hey mom
mom: hey daughter
daughter: whatcha up to?
mom: I'm getting that d tonight
daughter: ew mom! you're so gross!
mom: honey, I'm getting a divorce
justlearningasigo:

an american classic
candiedmoon:

everything about this is pure gold.
me: haha hey guys do u dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream
them: no
me: *shaking my head and chuckling* i cant believe you guys are making me do this
them: we're not
me: *eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you guys you're so fucked up for making me do this

souljannoying:

one time i got a fish and my dad made me name it james pond